Monday, December 22, 2008


A funny thing happens when you get engaged. There is some sort of newness that is brought into your life, a newness of self and desire. Life is no longer lived for myself, but with another in mind. Life is no longer based on my successes or my failures. Life is aimed at becoming one with my other. 

This new feeling of life is omnipresent. There is no escaping that which is inevitable. I will be sleeping with a man in nine months... in the same bed. This period of betrothal is surely opening my heart, as I become a woman whose life is to be lived with another. Already, I feel more beautiful, loved, embraced. It is a wonderful, memorable moment.

I love to know that my friends who will someday be engaged might feel this feeling - of truly belonging. I love to know that someone will love them beyond what they can imagine. And, I love to know that I have experienced this love myself, and will continue to in the next nine.

Preston proposed at the top of the Continental Divide in Colorado. As we looked out on the beautiful mountain scenery, encased in fresh snow and diamond dust, we wept and clung to one another. To make it better, our new closest snowmobile-riding friends had prepared celebratory cups of dry mix Swiss Miss hot chocolate. What could be more perfect?

The stone is my mothers, the design is my fiancee's, and the finger is mine. How blessed am I to live a life well deserved? To have followed His decree and to feel this new intimacy?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

For the sake of novelty

I need the kind of saving that requires a bloody war
I'm running out the back while its knockin' at my door
I have not agreed to take it or respect its passing blow
There is power, there is thunder, and I sell tickets to the show

(Soon everything around me will be crumbling to dust and I would be returning to the ravages of lust.)

I am in need of a savior.
I am in need of a savior.

For the sake of injustice, I have profited my own
Pawned my jewels at the corner for some grey and blistered stone
For the sake of novelty, I have whored myself along
Bartered my lasting soul for a brief and hollow song

If there was one thing
in this world I could esteem
then let it carry on me
and witness my first apology

Monday, September 29, 2008

Come, beloved season

So, my parents, in fleeing the hurricane that has ravaged the southern coast of Texas this month, including Montgomery, have found refuge in the likes of fall foliage, known best as an aspen tree. The beautiful leaves have, in the last few weeks, turned a sunny color of yellow-orange in the photograph they have sent us all reminds me of an autumn I never had. 

In Texas, we have no Autumn, no fall. All is left to the after-effects of Hurricanes and the introductions of our short, wet, scaly winter week. The trees kind-of loath change here. The summer just ambles on into October, leaving them hot, dry and down-right unaware of the changing of season. The best hint of cool breeze we get is the less-than-common breath from the north, sponsored by a strong storm somewhere above and West. If then, the air is fresh, we can all but suspect that our weather will return to its naturally humid state, post-haste. 

There's not much I can say about the fall except that it's my favorite season. I think it might be all of our favorites. What of summer? Clearly, those who love the summer in Texas would rather spend their days lying on the surface of the sun, surrounded by mirrors. And fall, the mythical unknown in the mind of the children of Texas. The seemingly natural reaction of the tilt of the earth - everywhere else in the world. And, we, the rest, are but dreaming of this orange and yellow and golden-red land of Canaan, where the wealth of sun-color flows like the wine of heaven. 

To all of this reality, I say, "Come, you beloved season! Make me your lover! Shine down upon my face that I might also feel the coolness of your touch. Fear not the ways of summer, but feel welcome in this place."

Monday, August 4, 2008

We drove an hour out to Hamilton pool last weekend. As we drove farther into the hill country, our expectations soared. Big trees, rolling hills, vast country-side. We were all wearing our swimsuits and watery hiking shoes.

As we drew closer, we realized our fate. PARASITES IN THE WATER.

Later that week, we went to the Greenbelt, wrapped around with 360 degrees of inner tube - ready to hit the water. As we hiked down into the gorge, our bodies began to perspire and hearts were ready to make a big entrance, saying, "Kowabunga!" into the water.

As we drew closer, we realized our fate. NO WATER. 

From now on, I'm keeping an eye on the weather forecast. 
And, this week looks like rain. Hallelujah.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Week ONE: Update ONE

Surprises are wonderful: 

a beautiful rainstorm

a wonderful new read

a perfect porch nap, disturbed only by a passing train

Month of Summer: Week ONE

I have to say that this weekend was one of the better weekends I have had recently.

Kimber and I have decided that July is Month of Summer, and it's gone off without a hitch. We have a list of things we plan on doing this month, such as celebrating the fourth with the rest of Austin downtown while listening to the symphony orchestra, (which was beautiful, by the way - I cried. It was one choked up tear to recognize the beauty of sitting out on the grass in the middle of downtown in Auditorium Shores, hearing the hum of children dancing and playing, listening to the familiar melodies of our country's great home tunes and lighting the way with fireworks almost directly overhead.) visiting Marfa, the art town, and taking Jordan's pup to Red Bud park. 

Its only been a week and July has been great. As I said before, ID4 was wonderful. I haven't had one that great in a while. It was so weird to not have my parents around. Preston and I drove to Montgomery to see my brother's family, as they were staying at my parents' house. My parents, however, were in Colorado. (When are they not?) It was so relaxing and reviving to hang out with him and his wife plus two young ladies. Claire can put her head underwater, and Phoebe swims about in her little floater-suit. I was going pretty strong the whole time, playing "King, Queen and Princess" with Claire, but, later, when I was waking up from a stolen TV nap in front of the Astros, I figured maybe I was older than I thought.

Preston and I came back on Sunday morning to finish building a project we've been working on. Jordan and I have these green tables in the living room that I have recently grown to dislike, so P and I re-painted the legs and cemented a stone/mosaic on top. It looks pretty cool. 

I hope this month of summer works out. I really would like to look back on July in August and know that it was not to be wasted. If only it would rain. Rain would make the entire summer worth being called summer. (But our first hurricane is being born in the ocean...)

Thursday, March 20, 2008

my hair looks good today

I've moved three times now because the bees here seem to be following me in my every move, it's a little hot, and the dishwasher splashed water all over me through the window in which he was washing and beneath which i was sitting, but it would be difficult to make me more peaceful.

I came here to write and have a delicious glass of iced tea, and I accomplished both of my goals. Here I sit, writing and drinking tea, and it is Thursday, my favorite day. The music played in this joint is so ambiguous that the fire truck sirens resounding in the distance, leaving the the station in search of flames to stifle, seem to be a counter melody to it's harmony. 

Probably the most beautiful of days since I've gotten back from my break in the canyon, Austin has given me so much with it's sunshine and smiles. I wish this was what life really looked like. That look that promises that everything will be just this way tomorrow. That look that sings the melody of the entire city taking a deep breath. I have said before that the "woo" is one of the greatest sounds I know. The "woo" is what brings people together. But, in this case it is the "hum" of small conversation and individual people enjoying themselves, doing the things humans do, without worry. 

The Canyon was a good time. It was that moment of life that you say to yourself, "this is wonderful. School... not so wonderful, but I can appreciate it because I am supposed to." No one ever says, "get your hiking done," or "make sure you fly a kite today." Someone says, "I really should be studying right now," and the rest of us grumble together as our hammers fall to the side of the road and our slave tunes recommence. 

Of course, yes, this life is only just one inch in a mile worth of span-extension chord. What does it matter to do anything? You've got to work a little to enjoy a little. Thats terrible. I would rather work and enjoy. So, that's what the Canyon did for me, I guess. It was that kind of reminder that work and pleasure should not be mixed, but enjoyed simultaneously. 

So, on to trying new things, eh? I've been loving limes. If you think about it, a lime is one of God's perfect little things that, without it, one might not notice, but with it, one's eyes are opened to an entirely new sensory experience. My love for limes began when I noticed that one of my roommates had cleaned the dinner table off and placed a few limes in a bowl in the center. The beautiful green color of the freshest thing was burned into my mind. I wish I could paint to tell the world what I saw. I then, after seeing the beauty, decided to enjoy them otherwise.

And, it's been a success. A royal success. A purple, velvety, plum, desire, royal success.