Just breathing

I must make a clarification about my previous note: I don't see the church as something that is not good. I fully believe that the church is neccessary to the Christian life. I am just plain dissatisfied with the way we Christians interpret "The Church."

Working at a church this summer, yes, did open my eyes to these things. But, I celebrate those eyes opened, and fully love every moment I spent there. I am very proud of the time I spent there. With these experiences under my belt, I feel much more comfortable to express my confusion. I believe that a freedom to question is pertinant to the living word. The bible confuses me, but not in a way that frusterates-- but rather enthuses me to locate dialogue about those confusing things.

I, in no way, think that I am capable of articulating any official theories about this complex world of God's Word. I am just willing to be satisfied in not knowing everything-- God is much bigger than even the bible can put into words. Although the word is God-breathed, He did use human hands to vocalize his breath.

And, even our breathing calls his name.

So, I am satisfied with just breathing.

I don't need your gospel.

Sometimes, I feel as if my life is just a little bit less meaningful than I would hope it would be. Not to say that I have not been given a purpose through Christ. I just have a problem understanding how i can be used to fulfill my purpose. I can say in honesty that I have changed in important ways this summer. But, some of those changes have made me so apprehensive about things-- ie, THE Church, and, well...life in general. What kind of life is lived in order that we may continuously make an effort to please one another? I think, every life on this earth. Of, course I am being a little facetious. How can every life on this earth be promoted by self indulgence? First in my mind, I see the life that so many people glorify in today's American society: Oprah Winfrey. She gives of herself everyday. Books, jewels, cars. So, thanks Oprah. To whose glory shall I attribute your greatness? Not only am I apprehensive to her, but even to people I know well- those whom I enjoy the company of. How many times must we speak on things that we "still haven't formulated and opinion" of, while still trying to convince someone that your opinion is more important that others? Maybe that doesn't make sense. But, it seems so classically "church-talk" to preach in a way that is "all-encompassing," saying that we all are suffering of the same thing.

IE: We all are hurting because someone has hurt us in the past. We are all at fault for our own iniquity.

IS that true? I have difficulty believing that we ALL suffer in the same way. This is why i hated "Captivating," by Staci Eldridge. If you need gospel, go to the gospel. You don't need someone to tell you why you are suffering, save the everlasting truth of the word of God. (This is why I don't read self-help christian-life books anymore.)

So, is it true that we are all suffering from the same thing, anyway? I don't know...the jury's still out. :)

I think I will blog more. Maybe my thoughts can be better articulated in a more common manner than a summary account at the end of the summer. Of course, I say this, and really the only reason I decided to blog is because I ran out of journal pages and I need to write. I need to.

I need to read too. So, I'm going to go do that.