Thursday, November 15, 2007

What we gonna do now?

my body aches and i feel it in all sides
from my ears to my back i've been attacked
there's not room left for good
or maybe the good i can let in
because i haven't

my soul whimpers with the mention of more
where does it end, i want to know
if every person is invaluable
then why can i not put a face to the name?

hunger replaces sadness replaces guilt replaces insignificance

i tried the whole "Satan does not rule over me," spill
and i feel hands grip my throat
where is my faith in resurrection?
there is not blood around me
but there is suffering

not much more i can say to myself
like lauren "what we gonna say now?"
i need this.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

you make everything glorious

The day is grim and a full side cloudy. Chilly wind whips around the houses here and I sit watching the neighborhood through my warm-side windowpanes. It's November 6th, my birthday, the day when you should celebrate with your friends. And...I am alone, and could not be more satisfied.

Since moving to 78757, life has gotten easier to avoid. School is hard, so I don't pay much attention to it. Weather is nice and so I bask in it. Reading and music making have become my only true solaces...places where I am alone. I can't understand a place where I have to impress anyone but myself. I went to a party the other day. One where all my friends got up in the midst of conversation and danced their hearts out. And, other than the short, 4 minute respite of dance, I was eh bored.

I think I struggle with fellowship. I don't want to share my feelings, because I feel like my feelings impart some sort of weight on the listeners shoulders. Why would I want to do that to people? I really don't care much to hear about everyday problems, to be honest. If it's not worth writing about before you tell me about it, being a loner, it's not worth me hearing about it.

Lost in the wonderland that Alice creates has, after 24 pages, made me more excited about fiction than fact. It's election day, and I am not voting...again. I have class right now...but I'm not going. And, something irrelevant to stories already introduced, for the sake of "news value," there is still a war going on in Iraq. It sort-of feels like America has forgotten. My interest lies in when it will really be over. How many of my friends will die fighting in a war that no one remembers?

Thanks to the Austin American Statesman, I know more about the Animal Shelter relocation than how far away we are from getting out of Iraq. The comparison of the importance of animal and human lives being risked is being weighed every day the paper chooses to write stories about dogs and their new homes. I care about dogs, but, I care more about my friend who fought in Iraq, was injured after one year, and now America thanks him by allowing him to push papers behind a military desk.

I want to know what's really important. Is Lewis Carroll more important than a story about an injured soldier in Iraq? Do cats and dogs really care where they go when they've been lost? I don't think so. I think that the avoidance of the entire topic all together is important. I'm not sure anyone even cares what's important anymore.

On a personal note, I think my relationship with God is important. But, what does that mean, anyway?