Since moving to 78757, life has gotten easier to avoid. School is hard, so I don't pay much attention to it. Weather is nice and so I bask in it. Reading and music making have become my only true solaces...places where I am alone. I can't understand a place where I have to impress anyone but myself. I went to a party the other day. One where all my friends got up in the midst of conversation and danced their hearts out. And, other than the short, 4 minute respite of dance, I was eh bored.
I think I struggle with fellowship. I don't want to share my feelings, because I feel like my feelings impart some sort of weight on the listeners shoulders. Why would I want to do that to people? I really don't care much to hear about everyday problems, to be honest. If it's not worth writing about before you tell me about it, being a loner, it's not worth me hearing about it.
Lost in the wonderland that Alice creates has, after 24 pages, made me more excited about fiction than fact. It's election day, and I am not voting...again. I have class right now...but I'm not going. And, something irrelevant to stories already introduced, for the sake of "news value," there is still a war going on in Iraq. It sort-of feels like America has forgotten. My interest lies in when it will really be over. How many of my friends will die fighting in a war that no one remembers?
Thanks to the Austin American Statesman, I know more about the Animal Shelter relocation than how far away we are from getting out of Iraq. The comparison of the importance of animal and human lives being risked is being weighed every day the paper chooses to write stories about dogs and their new homes. I care about dogs, but, I care more about my friend who fought in Iraq, was injured after one year, and now America thanks him by allowing him to push papers behind a military desk.
I want to know what's really important. Is Lewis Carroll more important than a story about an injured soldier in Iraq? Do cats and dogs really care where they go when they've been lost? I don't think so. I think that the avoidance of the entire topic all together is important. I'm not sure anyone even cares what's important anymore.
On a personal note, I think my relationship with God is important. But, what does that mean, anyway?
1 comment:
happy birthday, my beautiful friend. i lament that you have been stuck in the blues from time to time this semester. i'm glad you were happy to be alone on your birthday afternoon. i love that you struggle through things as sluggish as determining if anyone is getting what is important, and even if you, yourself, do. sometimes I, also, am confused about my relationship with God. I haven't really read my bible in a few months. I know that is unwise, but is it bad? i don't think so, though most people surrounding me would disagree. i love you. i'm glad you are who you are and want what you want.
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